One of our newest council members is Jennifer Filips from Australia, who got in touch a while back with this to say:
I am a really big Marx Brothers fan and I'm really excited to find your site because it teaches me new things about them.
I'm only 13, but I still like them.
I really like the Swordfish scene and the bits where Groucho sings.
I even do piano lessons so I can teach myself how to play like Chico.
(Incidentally, when I mentioned in my last post that she was 'learning to play the piano like Chico', she rushed to quash any potential misconception, urging me to stress that she is not being taught to play like him, but is doing so surreptitiously, as her piano teachers want her to play "smoothly and slowly", opining that the Chico method is "too silly".)
I am a really big Marx Brothers fan and I'm really excited to find your site because it teaches me new things about them.
I'm only 13, but I still like them.
I really like the Swordfish scene and the bits where Groucho sings.
I even do piano lessons so I can teach myself how to play like Chico.
(Incidentally, when I mentioned in my last post that she was 'learning to play the piano like Chico', she rushed to quash any potential misconception, urging me to stress that she is not being taught to play like him, but is doing so surreptitiously, as her piano teachers want her to play "smoothly and slowly", opining that the Chico method is "too silly".)
Then, a while later, she got in touch to say that she had written a new Flywheel script for Groucho and Chico to perform, a prodigious feat indeed, especially when you consider that my treatment for Deputy Seraph The Movie still ends abruptly after the opening nuclear holocaust montage.
So anyway, here it is for your reading - and listening, in the mind's ear as it were - pleasure...
Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel- Script #1
Announcer: British Broadcasting System in proud association with the Five Star Theater in proud association with the Five Star Theatre proudly present the Marx Brothers in... Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel!
(Cue opening music.)
*Telephone Rings*
Miss Dimple: Yes? Yes. Yes. No. I expect him to be back very shortly. Yes. Good-bye.
Groucho/ Flywheel: Miss. Dimple, who was that on the phone?
Miss Dimple: That was Mr. Gladox. He has some important business to discuss with you.
Flywheel/Groucho: Important business? Tell him to come in Tuesday. I'm going golfing Sunday.
Miss Dimple: But Mr. Flywheel, today is Monday!
Flywheel: Yes, I know, but I'm going golfing today as well.
*Door knocks.*
Chico/ Ravelli: Hello, boss. Hello, Miss. Dim.
Miss Dimple: Hello.
Flywheel: Ravelli, why are you so late?
Ravelli/Chico: I was held up at a fast-food restaurant.
Flywheel: You were held up at a fast-food restaurant?
Ravelli: I was ham-burgled.
Flywheel: (To audience:) He's a big ham, isn't he folks?
(To Ravelli, sarcastically:) Forgive me for asking this, but what else happened, Ravelli?
Ravelli: I was put in ham-cuffs. But I getta out all-a-right.
Flywheel: How did you escape?
Ravelli: I just ate the chains and ran out.
Flywheel: (Sarcastically) Well, that went better than expected.
(Music break. "Blue Skies" plays.)
Flywheel: Miss. Dimple, didn't you say that a man wanted to see me?
Miss Dimple: That's right, Mr. Flywheel.
Flywheel: Good. Well, where is he?
Miss Dimple: You told me to tell him to come in on Tuesday, Mr. Flywheel.
Flywheel: Oh, yes. Miss. Dimple, take a letter.
Miss Dimple: Yes, sir. What would you like me to write?
Flywheel: Dear Mr. Gladox -
Miss Dimple: One D or 2 Ds?
Flywheel: Send the 1, and the second can follow.
Miss Dimple. OK. Now what do I write?
(Sound effect: type-writer)
Flywheel: Because you are arriving on Tuesday, I am writing in regards to your departure. Leave promptly at 2 PM on Thursday.
Miss Dimple: Why Thursday?
Flywheel: By that time he'll be sober.
From, Waldorf T. Flywheel.
Miss Dimple, read that back to me.
Miss Dimple: OK, Mr. Flywheel.
Dear Mr. Gladox,
Make your departure no later than Thursday.
Care of Waldorf T. Flywheel.
Flywheel: There seems to be a lot missing there.
(Ravelli enters.)
Ravelli: Eh, boss, boss!
Flywheel: Yes, what is it, Ravelli?
Ravelli: Can I ask you a question?
Flywheel: Not if I know what's good for me, but go ahead.
Ravelli: All'a'right. What has 4 wheels and flies?
Flywheel (Sarcastically):I don't know. I give up. What has 4 wheels and flies?
Ravelli: A fruit fly!
Flywheel: I guess that I should've known that one, Ravelli.
Ravelli: Eh, that's a-good, eh, boss?
Flywheel (Sarcastically): Fantastic. Hey, Miss. Dimple, how is the letter?
Miss Dimple: Fine, Mr. Flywheel
Flywheel: Good.
Ravelli: Eh, boss, did you know that my uncle used to do impressions?
Flywheel: Impressions? Like what?
Ravelli: He used to do impressions of onions.
Flywheel: He really must've made people weep.
(Groucho (Flywheel) starts singing "Sing Us a Sensible Song" and Chico (Ravelli) joins in.)
Ravelli: Eh, that was a-nice, boss.
Flywheel(Sarcastically): If you can call it that.
(Sadly): It is really cold up here.
Ravelli: Eh, I a-know! How about-a we go to Florida?
Flywheel: Good idea, Ravelli. Something has come out of that head for the first time.
Ravelli: That's not nice.
Flywheel: I know, but it's true. Let's go to Florida!
Ravelli: OK, boss.
Flywheel: Miss Dimple, would you like to come with us?
Miss Dimple: Come where?
Flywheel: To sunny Florida! With the beaches! Nothing to do all day but sit in the sun! No work, just play!
Miss Dimple: Oh, yes! I'd love to come!
Flywheel: But then you'd have no work! No, I'm sorry Miss Dimple, but you must stay here!
Miss Dimple (Sadly): OK.
Flywheel: Ravelli and I will be back soon enough anyway.
Miss Dimple: Have a good time!
Ravelli: Don't a-worry, we-a will.
(Cue ending music.)
Announcer: This has been the Marx Brothers in... Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel!
Next week, what will they do in Florida? You'll have to tune in and see!
Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel- Script #1
Announcer: British Broadcasting System in proud association with the Five Star Theater in proud association with the Five Star Theatre proudly present the Marx Brothers in... Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel!
(Cue opening music.)
*Telephone Rings*
Miss Dimple: Yes? Yes. Yes. No. I expect him to be back very shortly. Yes. Good-bye.
Groucho/ Flywheel: Miss. Dimple, who was that on the phone?
Miss Dimple: That was Mr. Gladox. He has some important business to discuss with you.
Flywheel/Groucho: Important business? Tell him to come in Tuesday. I'm going golfing Sunday.
Miss Dimple: But Mr. Flywheel, today is Monday!
Flywheel: Yes, I know, but I'm going golfing today as well.
*Door knocks.*
Chico/ Ravelli: Hello, boss. Hello, Miss. Dim.
Miss Dimple: Hello.
Flywheel: Ravelli, why are you so late?
Ravelli/Chico: I was held up at a fast-food restaurant.
Flywheel: You were held up at a fast-food restaurant?
Ravelli: I was ham-burgled.
Flywheel: (To audience:) He's a big ham, isn't he folks?
(To Ravelli, sarcastically:) Forgive me for asking this, but what else happened, Ravelli?
Ravelli: I was put in ham-cuffs. But I getta out all-a-right.
Flywheel: How did you escape?
Ravelli: I just ate the chains and ran out.
Flywheel: (Sarcastically) Well, that went better than expected.
(Music break. "Blue Skies" plays.)
Flywheel: Miss. Dimple, didn't you say that a man wanted to see me?
Miss Dimple: That's right, Mr. Flywheel.
Flywheel: Good. Well, where is he?
Miss Dimple: You told me to tell him to come in on Tuesday, Mr. Flywheel.
Flywheel: Oh, yes. Miss. Dimple, take a letter.
Miss Dimple: Yes, sir. What would you like me to write?
Flywheel: Dear Mr. Gladox -
Miss Dimple: One D or 2 Ds?
Flywheel: Send the 1, and the second can follow.
Miss Dimple. OK. Now what do I write?
(Sound effect: type-writer)
Flywheel: Because you are arriving on Tuesday, I am writing in regards to your departure. Leave promptly at 2 PM on Thursday.
Miss Dimple: Why Thursday?
Flywheel: By that time he'll be sober.
From, Waldorf T. Flywheel.
Miss Dimple, read that back to me.
Miss Dimple: OK, Mr. Flywheel.
Dear Mr. Gladox,
Make your departure no later than Thursday.
Care of Waldorf T. Flywheel.
Flywheel: There seems to be a lot missing there.
(Ravelli enters.)
Ravelli: Eh, boss, boss!
Flywheel: Yes, what is it, Ravelli?
Ravelli: Can I ask you a question?
Flywheel: Not if I know what's good for me, but go ahead.
Ravelli: All'a'right. What has 4 wheels and flies?
Flywheel (Sarcastically):I don't know. I give up. What has 4 wheels and flies?
Ravelli: A fruit fly!
Flywheel: I guess that I should've known that one, Ravelli.
Ravelli: Eh, that's a-good, eh, boss?
Flywheel (Sarcastically): Fantastic. Hey, Miss. Dimple, how is the letter?
Miss Dimple: Fine, Mr. Flywheel
Flywheel: Good.
Ravelli: Eh, boss, did you know that my uncle used to do impressions?
Flywheel: Impressions? Like what?
Ravelli: He used to do impressions of onions.
Flywheel: He really must've made people weep.
(Groucho (Flywheel) starts singing "Sing Us a Sensible Song" and Chico (Ravelli) joins in.)
Ravelli: Eh, that was a-nice, boss.
Flywheel(Sarcastically): If you can call it that.
(Sadly): It is really cold up here.
Ravelli: Eh, I a-know! How about-a we go to Florida?
Flywheel: Good idea, Ravelli. Something has come out of that head for the first time.
Ravelli: That's not nice.
Flywheel: I know, but it's true. Let's go to Florida!
Ravelli: OK, boss.
Flywheel: Miss Dimple, would you like to come with us?
Miss Dimple: Come where?
Flywheel: To sunny Florida! With the beaches! Nothing to do all day but sit in the sun! No work, just play!
Miss Dimple: Oh, yes! I'd love to come!
Flywheel: But then you'd have no work! No, I'm sorry Miss Dimple, but you must stay here!
Miss Dimple (Sadly): OK.
Flywheel: Ravelli and I will be back soon enough anyway.
Miss Dimple: Have a good time!
Ravelli: Don't a-worry, we-a will.
(Cue ending music.)
Announcer: This has been the Marx Brothers in... Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel!
Next week, what will they do in Florida? You'll have to tune in and see!
9 comments:
Ok, I guess I will be the first person to comment on this one. Thanks a lot for publishing my script and I hope I can get around to writing another one. One of my friends said maybe I could make it so that they went to Disneyland but I don't see much comic possibility there...
I don't usually write Marx Brothers scripts actually. I usually write Jack Benny scripts and recently I wrote an Abbott and Costello one. I was just so obsessed with the Marx Brothers at the time that I just got to writing.
We were having a big exam one day in Maths class and I had finished my work. I asked what I could do when I was done and they said I could draw. But I didn't feel like drawing! I wrote a whole Flywheel, Shyster and Flywheel script up and I was very happy. I typed it up that night after my friend suggested I type it up and then I've been trying to get it published. Finally I did! So thank you, Matthew!
It's a pleasure!
The joke about the fruit fly is my favourite bit.
Alas I don't have a Jack Benny or A&C website, but I'd love to see your scripts for them. Actually, you do have a Jack Benny site - so why not put it on there?
Thanks again for this!
A fruit fly, I don't get it. Is fruit fly slang for a fruit wagon? Isn't that what you mean. Regardless this was a joy to read as you can perfectly hear Chico and Groucho's voice in it, ala their one-shot sketch "Hollywood Agents" - ("just walk down the street with a ham sandwich and sign up anyone who snaps at it")
"Is fruit fly slang for a fruit wagon?"
I sure do hope not... My reading of this was that it took an old joke ("what has four wheels and flies?" "a dust cart") and turned it into something utterly meaningless, hence Groucho's sarcastic praise. I could be wrong.
Yes, it is just utterly meaningless and crazy. What in the world is a fruit wagon? My friend has a Jack Benny site she's been running for 32years now and she published my script. You can see them here: www.jackbenny.org . Click on the New Benny script button on the front page and then you can take a look.
Good job. Maybe I'll get some friends over and we'll do a dramatic reading.
How about this:
Groucho--"Our radio show is going to be huge. Is there a remote possibility that you know what radio means?"
Chico--"It's-a half a diameter."
You're very clever and the dramatic reading sounds like fun! Good luck with it and let me know how it goes!
I couldn't get my friends to come to my place so we read it over the phone together and had a good time. I was Ravelli. I also did the sound effects.
You were serious? I thought you were being sarcastic!
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